Knock, knock……..who’s there?

Posted on July 22, 2008
Filed Under Just Talking, Reflections | Leave a Comment

 

So, it’s over for them too. Christie and Peter.  Yes, yes, I watched it with a pathetic interest.  And you know you watched it too - the very public and nasty divorce of Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook.

I wish I could sniff with superiority that I’m above such unseemly  airing of dirty laundry, but, alas, I’ve got a trash-tv-jones and every now and then I have to feed it.

It was just too easy and besides, I’ve never claimed to be the Dalai Lama.

Most of us remember Christie from the 8o’s in her heyday modeling years.  She was an all American beauty.   I especially loved her when at 37, she posed on the cover of a magazine and said,

 “that’s it, I’m not doing this anymore, I’m sick of sucking my stomach in”

Many applauded, and I did too, as the Cover Girl admitted that yes, she too was human.  After all, she had given birth to a child and no matter what Hollywood celebrities try to tell you, unless you buy yourself a surrogate, your body is going to show the wear and tear.  So, Christie cottoned-up and owned-up to a few imperfections and we loved her for it.

Throughout the years, Christie has had her ups and downs.  But, for some reason, I, like so many others I’m sure, still held this stupid belief that somehow her life and existence was better than mine.  It had to be.

I mean, look at that face, that smile, that body, and well, her money.  Yeah, mega-watt Christie Brinkley had it all.  And to make it worse, the older she got, the more beautiful she became.  I wanted to hate her for it, but couldn’t.  I applauded instead.

So, during this trial, I watched her parade daily into the court room with her impeccable looks, her impeccable style and impeccable clothes, loving how perfectly coordinated she was.  Her high-voltage smile was always plastered in the just the right place and she managed to make even a divorce look glamorous.

Yet, I couldn’t help but think that no matter how big, perfect and beautiful that smile was, here was a woman who has had a pretty rough life.

I mean, the only difference between Christie Brinkley and some of the white trash I’ve known from the Deep South is her financial status.  Really.  That’s it.

Ok, maybe her body and blond hair, but that’s about it.  Look, she’s been married and divorced (or widowed) 4 times.

She has three kids with three different fathers.  And, at this juncture, she appears to have some serious relationship issues. Not exactly, the model life you know?

Now, this is not about judgment.  I’ve been down the aisle more than once myself and I have children with two different fathers……….no rocks coming from this side of the playing field I assure you. 

It’s just an observation that once again, no matter how things may appear; you never know what’s on the other side of door number three.

Sure, the façade is attractive.  She’s the “Uptown Girl” after all; beautiful, blonde, and ambitious with a high powered career, high profile romances and well, a house in the Hamptons………….how bad can it be, right?  Wrong.

Over five painful days….and yes, it was painful, we learned the lurid and tawdry details of Christie Brinkley’s seemingly perfect life.  The well crafted, carefully constructed, perfect exterior imploded from the inside out.

Internet pornography, adultery, bad parenting, step-father issues and a psychiatrist telling us that Peter Cook has an insatiable ego, brought down yet another poorly constructed mansion of a life.

So there you have it.  Good looks, good jobs and lots-o-money once again fails to deliver what we are all looking for - love, acceptance, belonging and meaning in life.

Marketing strategies, sales pitches, brand names or even a house in the Hamptons won’t cut it.  Build your house on the wrong foundation and it won’t take much for the winds and storms of life to blow it down. 

I don’t not wish Christie Brinkley ill, nor am I rejoicing in any of her failures, like I said, I have plenty of my own.  It’s just another lesson that no matter what color you paint the house or how lovely you landscape it, it’s the interior that makes it a home.

But, hey Christie, you’re still a knock-out.

 

 

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Trimming the fat…..

Posted on July 19, 2008
Filed Under Encouragement, Just Talking, Menopause, Mid-Life | Leave a Comment

 in skipping around the web recently reading some of my favorite blogs, it occurred to me just how easy it is to trim the fat in your life when you reach a certain age.

No, I don’t mean the fat around your middle………(oh, should we be so blessed).   What I mean is, the excess in life.  That which you do not need.

It seems to be so much easier to do this when you reach a certain age and there is just absolute freedom in being able to cut the balaste, burn the chaff, unload the dead weight and close off the peripheral vision. 

It’s absolutely liberating to be at a place in life where your focus becomes sharp as a laser beam.  How freeing and uplifting it can be.

It was this time after all that I’ve been able to say damn the hair color.  It’s at this time that I’ve been able to say damn the make up (though I still wear it every now and then and my favorite?  Damn those high heels.

My *uniform* as it were has become my trusty Adidas sports clothes with a good pair of walking shoes.  Ah the joy of it all.  My feet don’t hurt, I can breath and if I feel so inclined to break out into a rapid walk, well, I’m prepared by golly.

Seriously, what spawned this was a blog I read daily called The Writing Journey.  I love this guy.  He’s not middle-aged per se, but he’s smart, he’s practical and he’s a family man.  So, he’s got his life in order if you ask me.

He recently did a blog post on the usefulness of your blog.  Now, let’s face it, at 20 would you be asking these questions?  Umm, no.  At 25?  I don’t know about you, but at 25, I was still very much asking where the next good time was and didn’t waste my precious energy on such pragmatic quetions…..unless of course I was pontificating in a philosphy class.  That’s where pragmatism lives right???

Again, I digress.  After reading Bob’s insightful and ahem, very “useful” post, and finding myself just loving the heck out of it, I realized, “Mags, you have arrived.  You are officially mature and resting firmly in mid-life”  But, the best part?  I’m totally ok with that.

Jamie Lee Curtis (you remember her?  My hero?) recently spoke on Oprah about her mid-life revelations and one of the things she said was that she realized now for the first time, what works for her.  And what is that?  Well, among other things, short gray hair and a closet with only black and white clothes.  You gotta love that.  Talk about paring down your life to the basics.

But, what makes this so great is that since you’re not stumbling around trying to figure out what to wear for crying out loud and spending inordinate amounts of time obsessing in the mirror trying to cover up who you really are, you can now spend your time LIVING. 

Yes!  Glory hallelujuh she’s got it!

You mean I can now take all that energy and drive it in one direction and stop spilling my wisdom and abilities all over the place? 

I can actually put all my eggs in one basket and it’s ok?  Yes.  Yes you can and guess what?  Even if it’s not ok?  You don’t care!

 

 

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No ugly ducklings here………

Posted on July 17, 2008
Filed Under Encouragement, Health & Fitness | 1 Comment

swan
Creative Commons License photo credit: apdk

I’ve been thinking about this for some time now and finally decided to get around to saying something about it.  I’ve become quite the cynic these days with television advertising and mass marketing campaigns.  Maybe you have too, or maybe it’s just me.  Either way, I’m pretty numb to most of it.

It’s gets tiring I suppose when you’re constantly getting assaulted from all directions in every medium that retailers and corporations can get their grubby hands on.  But, there is one company that I’ve actually paid attention to recently and for good reason.  It’s Dove.

No, not Dove chocolate, Dove the soap/body products maker.  That Dove.  About four years ago they launched their Campaign for Real Beauty.  You may even remember some of the commercials and billboards where they featured real women with real bodies.  It was incredibly refreshing to see and as you might imagine has been wildly successful for them.  It has in fact, influenced me to buy their products, when before I didn’t.  Good for them.

Truthfully, I want to support a company that has a realistic and positive view on what beauty is.  They have even established a Self-Esteem Fund which was

established as an agent of change to inspire and educate girls and young women about a wider definition of beauty. DSEF is committed to help girls build positive self esteem and a healthy body image with a goal of reaching five million girls globally by 2010

I’m not certain who or what inspired the campaign, but something tells me it was those baby-boomer women.  Kudos ladies.  We need all the positive role models and encouragement that we can get.  And you can now sign me on as one very devoted Dove products customer. 

I’m not sure if any of you actually use their products, but I can tell you they are worth it, if for nothing else but to support a company with a great mission statement. 

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She wore an itsy, bitsy, teenie weenie, yellow polka dot bikini………yeah, right!

Posted on July 14, 2008
Filed Under Encouragement, Humor, Menopause, Mid-Life, Reflections | 2 Comments

Bathing suits and middle age -   now there are absolutely two words that should never be spoken in the same sentence together.   

And were it not for the fact that I still have relatively young children and the need occasionally arises to don such a torture apparatus, I would not put myself through it. 

But, much to my chagrin, one of those days rolled around recently and the kids wanted to go to a local amusement/water park and I found myself digging through my drawers looking for swim suits.

I actually have several swim suits. I can’t explain why since like I said, I simply look at them as torture devices.  But mine are special.  Yes, that’s right, they are “flaw hiding suits”.  I have become convinced though, that this is actually an oxymoron, because I have not actually found one of those yet.  

What I have found however, as I have obtained a much needed aerobic workout (this counts right? ) squeezing myself into lucky “suit number 3”, is that my very proud collection of cellulite, sagging boobs, bulging belly and drop butt are still there. 

Except now they are covered with “ruching” as they call it in the fashion world - which is nothing more than a fancy French word for little folds of fabric all sewn together to give this ruffle like appearance. 

(You know, kind of like what happens to your belly after middle age and lots ‘o children? )

But it could be, that maybe, subconsciously, I think if I keep buying them I will eventually run across one that actually does hide the flaws of cellulite, bulging belly, sagging boobs and drop butt?   Maybe, maybe not, but you never know.  I choose to remain an optimist.

Here’s another thing about swim suits, once you squeeze yourself in them - which for me is nothing short of an acrobatic act as I hop around the room trying in earnest to lift my leg, not lose my balance, and jerk my drop butt wildly, back and forth to aid in pulling it up over bulging belly – it’s time for a nap.  So maybe they should just call them “sleeping suits” instead?  But, I digress………..

So, after sorting through my draw, picking out the appropriate suit, and engaging in above said acrobatic act, I finally get this thing over drop butt and bulging belly, (yes, they’ve acquired a persona all their own). 

Then I notice there is some sort of botanical growth peeking out of each leg.  Huh? Oh yeah, I forgot about that.  Great.  So, now, I begin the reverse acrobatic act (an entirely new routine all its own) pulling this thing off and and allowing drop butt and bulging belly to spring forth with glee.  I can breathe again.  I hobble into the shower and grab the razor…………

We arrive at the same time as thousands of other landlocked-suburban-synthetic-beach-goers and obediently stand in line, all neatly divided by little metal railings.  I can’t help but notice the irony as we schlep through the little troughs with our bags, towels, flip flops and sunglasses.  I mean, here we are in the heartland, a predominately rural, farming state, you know, what with all the cattle, sheep and all.

After we make our way through the “frisking zone” as I affectionately call it, making sure none of us are members of Hamas, Hezbollah or Al Qaeda, we are finally free to move about the water park.  We slog over to the “beach area” and begin to scout in earnest for a place for me to park and allow the kids to go on their water seeking adventures.

I manage to pull up a nice little chair under a very large umbrella and quickly scan the perimeter to locate any possible snack shack that could offer me a cold beer and perhaps, get this, - a snack (Yeah, I know.  Not so good for the bulging belly and drop butt………and it’s likely how I got this way in the first place, okay?)  and of course, a bathroom.

Lucky for me, both were within a reasonable walking distance and I scored a nice cold one, some chips and commenced to setting up shop to begin my reading and people watching.

So here’s the thing about amusement parks.  You get so much for your money.  Not only do you get “amused” by various and sundry rides, attractions and the like, but you also  get to take in all the cultures, sub-cultures and corresponding  body types, which, in case you haven’t noticed, are wildly varied and oftentimes just downright unique.  

It is at amusement parks that the old adage, “nobody is perfect”  becomes a living reality.  And these genetically gifted runway models that we all hear about, and who have a way of making us all feel inadequate, likely only make up about ½ of 1% of the world population, and truely, are only in magazines.

Because I can assure you, in the few hours that I sat under my umbrella, I did not see Giselle, Cindy, Christie or Claudia walk by.  Nope.  But, I did see “Memaw, Pawpaw, Uncle Lester and Ain’t Mabel”

Ok, there was the occasional  hot body,  as the kids call it, but in reality, the only “hot bodies” that were there, were those, who like me, were sweating buckets from the heat or the very strenuous walk from the “beach front” to their chairs. 

So as I sat there in my “flaw-hiding-ruching-covered” bathing suit, I began to realize that perhaps I didn’t look half bad. 

Not because I was comparing myself to others - though the temptation was certainly there - but mainly because as I gazed around at the “memaws, the pawpaws, the Uncle Lesters and Ain’t Mables, I realized that these were real people living real life, just like me. 

Yep, we all have the battle scars to show it, with our less than perfect bodies and less than perfect lives, but that is exactly the point.  Life is not perfect.  We do not grow perfectly, we do not learn perfectly, we do not always make perfect choices, therefore, we do not have perfect outcomes, and so on and so on…………….

But there is something in the acceptance of imperfection that opens up your life to be able to see and hopefully appreciate what you have.  Maybe we do not look model perfect like Giselle, but do we have someone who needs us?  Do we have someone that we need, who accepts us just the way we are?  If we do, then your life can’t get much more perfect than that.

I have believed for a very long time that the quality of your life is really judged by the quality of your relationships with people.  Who have you loved and who has loved you back? Whose imperfect life and imperfect body have you looked past to see their heart and realize what a genuinely ”beautiful” person they are? I am thankful to say I have more than a few of those types of people in my life and I realize how much I need to be thankful for each one of them..

And most of all, if you can look in the mirror and say………”Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most loved of all…….” and the answer comes back as “you”.  Then you can say you have a perfect life……………….. ruching and all. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…………

Posted on July 8, 2008
Filed Under Encouragement, Just Talking, Mid-Life, Reflections | 6 Comments

I went to the orthodontist today.  Yes, I have three kids and orthodontia is a common reality around here.  Except it’s not for the kids.  It’s for me.

Yeah, I wore braces as a child too, but very foolishly did not wear my retainer as I should have. 

So, at fifty-one, I have crooked teeth again.  They are not horribly mangled, crooked teeth, but they are crooked enough to provide never ending embarrassment and self-consciousness for me.

So, after years and years of saying I wanted to do this, I finally decided to make the appointment.  So I did.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot and realizing how much it means to me and just how much I’ve been putting it off.  Pushing it down to the bottom of the list in favor of other people’s needs and desires.  Now, this is not always bad, because certainly, if my children need braces, they will be in line before me.

But, I’ve gotten two out of the way and the 8 yo is not quite ready for them, so I decided to put me at the top of the list.  I’ve been looking into the invisalign. They are the clear ones that slide in and out of your mouth like a form fitting retainer.  They are costly, but they will likely fit my needs better.  So we’ll see.

But, here’s the point today.  How much do you put things off that you would love to have and rationalize it in some way? 

Have you ever walked past a nice pair of shoes that you would have loved, but instead you buy the cheaper ones because of your budget? 

Or maybe it’s that beautiful dress that just came out at the beginning of the season and you wouldn’t dream of paying full retail for it? Or maybe you don’t have budget issues at all, but for some reason you keep telling yourself no, not today?

Now, I realize that there are times when budget concerns are real and to restrain oneself in the store (oh, is that work sometimes isn’t it? ) is wise.  So, I’m not speaking to that. I’m speaking rather to the fact that all too often we do not give ourselves permission to have the best. 

Yes.  That subject. Somehow, somewhere inside of ourselves (and women are the worst about this, though we certainly don’t have the market cornered on it) we will not give ourselves permission to have that really nice pair of shoes, if you will. 

Or that really lovely dress that completely flatters your figure, because it’s full retail price.  So, why?  I’m not totally sure.  But, I think it’s likely due to training.  Yes.  Training.  I think we are taught to believe that we do not deserve the best, so consequently, we do not strive for or expect the best.

I will raise my hand and say first….”I’m guilty”.  I’ve noticed this phenomenon a lot in my life and for the past year or so I’ve been poking around on it and forcing it out in the open.  I’ve asked myself many times why it is I’m denying myself something.  Is it because I’m afraid, or do I not think I deserve it, what is the reason?  Again, I’m not advocating reckless behavior ladies (or gents if you are out there), I’m talking about deep, soul and heart things. 

And why is it that I won’t reach for something if deep in my soul and heart I truly desire it.  Is it fear?  Fear that I won’t get it?  Fear that I don’t deserve it?  Fear that I won’t know how to manage it if I get it?  What?

I am a big proponent of self-reflection.  I think most of us spend little to no time at all really questioning our behavior, our beliefs and our self-talk.  As a result, we end up in these god-awful ruts in life and most of the time are oblivious to the reasons why. 

With just a little bit of prodding, thinking and observing, I think we might be amazed at the negative beliefs we have stuffed away that are holding us back.

I’ve certainly got my own and talked about it here the other day. But, here’s the thing about negative beliefs -  it can be scary to unearth these things. 

Especially if you’ve worked really hard to find a nice little place to tuck them away and pat the dirt over them so that no one, not even yourself will know they are there.

Yet, they still manage to make themselves known.  In our behavior.  In our expectations and ultimately in the circumstances of our life.  Now, let me say this right now, I do not believe that we can control all circumstances in our life.  We all know, if we have lived any amount of time, that we can’t.  What we can control however, is our response to those circumstances and what we say to ourselves about those circumstances.

And even deeper than that, we can control what we believe.  If we believe that we are not worthy of something or that we do not deserve something, guess what we will NOT have?  Those things that we “believe” we won’t have or deserve to have.  Though, ironically encough,  we may even confess that we want them.

Interesting phenomenon indeed and again, something I’ve been spending a lot of time contemplating these days. 

So, back to these braces.  I’ve wanted them.  For years.  Yes, yes, I know, it’s my own fault for not wearing my retainers like I should………….but does that mean now that I should make myself “pay” for that failure and not allow myself to get new braces?  Ahem.  I dare say, that perhaps, I did have this belief and how limiting and self-defeating it has been.

Now, these braces are not going to be cheap.  And on top of it, our insurance will not pay for it.  Not for me at least.  So, it’s going to come out of my pocket. 

 But, I’ve made the decision.  I’m getting them and there will be a way to pay for it.  How?  I don’t know.  But, I refuse to allow fear or negative beliefs to hold me back any longer.  I’ll keep ya posted.

So what about you?  What beliefs or fears are holding you back?  Is there something you want?  Something you’ve dreamed about but for some reason keep thinking you can’t have it?  That it’s not possible?  Look, life is there, for the taking. 

Those circumstances in your life can change when you change what it is your carrying around between your ears.  As simple as it sounds…….it can happen.  Begin with you.  And don’t ever give up!

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I am……..

Posted on July 2, 2008
Filed Under Just Talking | 5 Comments

I have a confession to make.  I love trash t.v.  What I mean by trash t.v. is that I love celebrity gossip shows.  There.  I said it out loud.

It’s funny that I would find these things so intriguing, because I wouldn’t be caught dead buying Star Magazine, The Enquirer or any other such pathetic, gossip rag mag.  Yet, there I sit, most nights soaking up the latest gossip like these people matter to my life or something.

Truthfully, I think what it is, is that it’s mindless, light and mildly entertaining.  Outside of that, it’s totally useless and a complete waste of my time and energy.  But, then, we all have our weaknesses I’m sure.  I’m just announcing mine to the entire universe. 

So, another thing I watch pretty regularly is “The Big O” as I call her, or Oprah.  I don’t watch the weird stuff and there are times that I find her incredibly annoying, but every now and then, she’s pretty good and I enjoy her show.  Besides, she’s got the perfect blend of class and ghetto and well, you gotta love that.

A couple of days ago she had on a panel that was discussing the latest craze of “The Secret” thing.  You know, what ever energy you put out there, you get back? The law of attraction?

It’s biblical in it’s purest form actually, but most people wouldn’t expect the bible to have such wisdom and knowledge, but then, that’s another post for another day.

I was particularly interested in the ideas that what you confess is what you manifest in your life.  One of the panelists discussed the power of subconscious self talk and how it ultimately directs and leads your life.  Truer words have never been spoken.

I’ve spent nearly my entire life trying to understand this phenomenon and though I cannot provide you with any scientific proof, I have my own life experiences to back it up and validate it, at least for me.

Many people have discussed this idea in many different ways…….in the book of Job, it is written….”the thing which I have greatly feared has come upon me and that which I was afraid of has come unto me”

The psychologists have called it “the self-fulfilling prophecy.  Whatever you want to call it, there is truth to it and it is a powerful force in our lives.

The human body is an amazing thing.  You can train it to respond by merely repeating something over and over again.  Such as, sleeping patterns.  If you force yourself to wake up at a certain time everyday, eventually, you will not need an alarm.  At least, I don’t.  I find that I can wake up at pretty much the same time day after day after day, by simply changing my routine.  The body will simply follow the lead of your “will”.

Such it is with the mind.  By controlling what we think and how we talk to ourselves, we can, in effect change the quality of our lives.  Now, I am very aware that I do not have this idea down to a fine art or science, in fact, I struggle with it constantly. 

I also tend to believe that the human mind and our emotional make-up is pretty complex, and so I do not mean to reduce it down to some sort of slogan or cliche’, but bear with me if you can………..

I guess I was thinking of this notion in light of the things that I wish to do at this time in my life.  I am fifty-one.  Though I’m not old by any stretch, I’m not young either.  I’m “middle-aged” in the truest sense of the word.

Now, we all know the drill when you are growing up……….go to school, graduate from college, get a job, build a career and retire at 62.  Right?  You’ve all heard it.  Except in my case I didn’t excactly follow that path.  Yes, yes, hard to believe, but I charted my own.  Unfortunately, it was not always a good path that I charted and I found myself having to come back and start over a time or two……..again, another post, another day.

So, here I am at fifty-one with a great desire to do different things.  Things that I’ve loved and longed for my entire life, like play music, study literature, WRITE.  At my age it is easy to get into a mental rut thinking your time has past and I admit I struggle with this in the worst way.  It is probably my biggest stumbling block.

That negative, nagging voice in the back of your mind….”what are you doing?”  “Who do you think you are?”  “You are too old to do any of this!”  “Everybody else is 30 years ahead of you”  “You’ll never make it”  “Just give up”

Sound familiar?  If not, I applaud you.  It is something I have to beat back all too often.  Yet, after watching the panel and the noticing the age of some of these women, I found myself inspired once again. 

Realizing that the only thing that is holding me back is my own voice. Well, that’s a relief.  I have control over that and I can change that.  And so can you.  What do you want to do?  Who do you want to be?  Yes, I know there are many things that are beyond our control, but that voice in between our ears?  That’s totally ours.

So, if you’re anything like me, you likely have an entire laundry list of dreams, untapped passions and desires that you’ve just let lay dormant in a big heap.  Can I encourage you to pick that list up and begin to go over it again?  Can you see yourself doing those things?  If you can, then you can also accomplish them as well.  I think it must begin somewhere and so, let it begin with our confession. 

Yes, work is involved as well.  We can’t just sit in a corner saying over and over again……….I play piano, I play piano.  We do have to actually get up and do something about it.  But, if we have this big fat road block in the form of negative self-statements, then we must begin there.  Begin to speak what you want. 

If it will help you, I will start…………..I am a writer.

 

 

 

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Roses are red, Violets are blue…….and sometimes, so am I

Posted on June 30, 2008
Filed Under Encouragement, Menopause, Mid-Life | 2 Comments

Like I said yesterday, I’ve been a bit MIA around here I know.  But, it hasn’t kept me from reading a few blogs and keeping up with others around the World Wide Web.

I stopped in over at Feisty Side of Fifty to see what Eileen was up to and linked over to another blog to listen to an interview she did regarding menopause.  It was interesting and of course fun to hear her voice since we’ve only “chatted” via the Internet.

I appreciate Eileen’s point of view.  She is an optimist and chooses to see the bright side in life and to focus on the positive even in the midst of difficulties.  That is a healthy attitude to be sure.  But, I also found myself relating terribly to the interviewer, Bevery Mahone as she discussed the difficulties she had with depression while going through perimenopause.

Outside of the insomnia, I would have to say that the depression and mood swings have been one of the worst components of perimenopause for me.  So, when she talked about how it sapped her energy and enthusiasm for life, boy could I understand.  And it does.

I wish we could just take a happy pill and get through it all, but unfortunately, it is a time of life that we must walk through to get through.  There are no short cuts and there are no easy routes.  If you are one of the approximately 20% of women who have had no symptoms with your perimenopause, say your “amens’ and your ”hallelujahs” now, because the other 80% of us have likely taken them on for you.

I had to face up to the fact that my mood swings and depression were out of my hands and resorted to antidepressants for about two years.  I believe Time Magazine even did a piece on menopause and it was said that antidepressants were one of the best and easiest things you could do.  I concur.  It was difficult for me to take them because being the control freak that I am. I didn’t want to think that I couldn’t “will” myself out of the emotional ups and downs I was experiencing.

But the truth was, I couldn’t.  So, I swallowed my pride and the pill along with it and things improved greatly for me.  I am happy to say that I am beyond those very difficult days, but I still have the depressive, blues every month. 

When it hits, there is nothing I can do but ride it out.  I know what it is and that is helpful.  Walking helps and chocolate and wine don’t hurt either, but for the most part, just letting it run it’s course has been the best choice of action for me.

Depression is one of those things that people don’t like to admit to.  When everyone else around you seems to be coping, it is very difficult to feel that you are not.  But, the truth is, depression (and I’m not talking clinical depression) that we deal with in perimenopause is chemically and hormonally based.  You are not a failure at life if you struggle with it. 

I think sometimes just knowing that you are not alone in the struggle is extremely helpful as well.  So, menopause mavens, if you find yourself battling depression and can’t seem to shake it……..you are most definitely not alone and you are always welcome to dump your blues here at The Magnolia Diaires.   

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Maggie is back……

Posted on June 29, 2008
Filed Under Just Talking | Leave a Comment

Yes, I am back and yes, I have been MIA of some sorts.  To be truthful, I’ve been having a mini crisis and haven’t been able to find a decent topic to blog about.  But, I have not abandoned The Magnolia Diaries and plan to be back into the swing of things very soon.

I ran across some difficulties with posting some health information on my blog that I had not specifically asked permission for.  To be very frank, the entire incident was a bit disconcerting, though it did have a good outcome.  Yet, it left me a bit unsettled and disturbed and so I’ve backed away from my blog while I’ve worked through some of the frustration.

I had made the very serious blunder of thinking that as long as I did not take credit for some one else’s work and credited and linked back to them, that all would be well.  However, apparently that is not the case.  Obviously I have a lot to learn about online printing and publishing.  But the last thing I have wanted to do is copy, pirate or plagerize.  So, in light of that, I wanted to thank all of you wonderful ladies who have given me permission to host you on my blog.  Not only has it added more depth and interest to The Magnolia Diaries, but it has helped you all (I hope) as well by increasing more traffic to your blogs.

I cannot really explain why it is that I felt I did not need to contact the owner of the blog in question, but I suppose I assumed that, like so many other sites, we are free to pass around information as long as we do not represent it as our own.  I would never think to do this with a personal blog however, and perhaps this is where I made my error.  The blog in question is not a personal blog and I suppose I looked upon the information there as public domain in some way. Either way, I will simply chalk it up as experience I can learn from and move on.

Outside of this, I’ve been wrapped up with some personal writing on Helium.  If you have not checked out their site I would urge you to do so.  It is a place where you can flex your writing muscles and hopefully learn a few things a long the way.  That is my desire anyway. 

I entered a writing contest and did my best, but must admit that the idea of professional writing now takes on an entirely new dimension for me. It is a very difficult job.  But, I had fun and would recommend it if you are remotely interested in writing.  It’s a wonderful site that is free and provides plenty of opportunity for experience.

I will be around soon and will be back with more new Magnolia Diaries content.  Thanks for hanging with me and be sure to check back again.

 

 

 

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You are so beautiful……….to me

Posted on June 18, 2008
Filed Under Encouragement, Mid-Life, Reflections | 2 Comments

bokapoppy
Creative Commons License photo credit: nosha

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Yes, it has become a trite cliché’, but as with most stereotypes and cliché’s there is some measure of truth in it.

There are many things that we could call beautiful, a sunset, a flower, a green pasture and even a cascade of mountains.  But I suppose when most people talk about the subject of beauty, they are thinking of the beauty of a woman.

Never having been considered a traditional beauty, I have had a bit of a struggle with the topic, as do most women who are not blessed with perfect bone structure, long luxurious hair, liquid eyes or a curvaceous body. 

When you cannot measure up to the images in Playboy, the modeling world or even those flashed across the television screen on a daily basis, chances are you’ve had more than one mental challenge with the concept of beauty.

Yes, we’ve all heard it said, “You are beautiful in your own way”, but when you are a young girl trying to find your  way in this world, these types of placating words ring hollow. 

What you really want is to be that perfect 36-24-36 that you have been told is the ideal woman. 

But as you begin to mature and grow you realize that your chances of becoming something you are not are pretty slim and so you set about trying to come to terms with the reality that you are faced with. 

Some girls become funny, some girls become sad and some girls begin to realize that becoming a real beauty begins deep in one’s heart and resonates outward. 

I suppose you could look at this and conclude that it’s a rationalization……..and maybe it is in some ways, but ultimately, I think it is a gift, because it enables you to find things within yourself that may otherwise remain hidden or buried under the shallow ego of external beauty.

No one chooses their DNA, neither the average ones nor the beautiful ones.  So, it is not fair to penalize those that would be called beautiful, no more than it is fair to condemn those that are not.  Yet it does seem that all too often, when one is blessed with an external beauty, that the person becomes draped not only in their fashions and accessories, but with an attitude of haughtiness and self-righteousness.  

I think it is safe to say, that the luxury of beauty can sometimes be as crippling to your character as the luxury of money and privilege and it sometimes, in fact, a lot of times, breeds a sort of contempt for those who do not share in that privilege.

But life has a way of equalizing itself and so, those of us who have not been blessed with the “beautiful gene” as it were, have been able to find a way to see our own beauty. 

Maybe it is as simple as the arch of our eyebrows or the endearing way our mouth curves into a crooked smile.  Maybe it is the way we laugh or the way we phrase our words.  Or, maybe it is simply the way we choose to see the frailty of humanity and have developed a deep compassion for those who suffer. 

It is said that until you walk in the shoes of another, you cannot know their struggles.  And so, many women who have walked in the shoes of the average have developed so often, a heart that stretches and expands and allows for the imperfections and flaws of life. 

And just as we are able to see the beauty in an antique that has weathered perhaps hundreds of years, yet carries with it a stately sort of grace, we can see in others and also in ourselves that same sort of beauty………less than perfect yet elegant at the same time.

It would be wonderful if our society could fully embrace the idea that beauty is not just about the external trappings, but it’s highly unlikely that will happen anytime soon.  So, we are left with defining for ourselves what beauty really is………………that which is in the eye of the beholder.

 

 

 

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When children leave…………

Posted on June 14, 2008
Filed Under Mid-Life, Reflections | Leave a Comment

brothers
Creative Commons License photo credit: jumpinjimmyjava

It’s often said that once your child is born, you can hardly think of life before them.  It is true. 

Children fill your life. They expand into every crevice, into every nook and cranny of your heart and to remember who you were before you knew them, seems darn near impossible. 

Who are these little people anyway, who wield such power?  That come screaming and crying into this world, all innocent, pure and full of hope, and yet with one fell swoop, are able to make you realize that life before they were born, was but a mere reflection – a thin slice off the top layer?

Many of us dream of our children.  How many we will have? What they will look like? Who they will become?  Yet, none of us dream of the day that they will leave, because up until then, we have only imagined ourselves with them, never without them.

They say it takes approximately 18 years for a child to become an adult. 

I am certain now that those years are not growing a new adult, but rather growing a parent to be able to let go - to give them back to God.

To release them to the world and to say, “This is who I have helped to shape and form and I hope I’ve done a good job. “

Though we know our children are their own people, it’s hard not feel a certain amount of ownership in something that you have invested so much of yourself.  

After all, a part of you is alive through them.  You live in their eyes, you live in their hair, you live in their walk, you live in that funny little way they hold their head, and you live in the way they talk. 

Part of your flesh and part of your blood will always live through them, yet none of your will, because they come fully equipped with their own.

Is it any wonder then, that parents have such a tough time disengaging from the lives of their children?  How can we when we have invested over two decades and several life times of emotional currency?  

So, just as they have marched into your life and changed it forever, they leave and take with them your heart.  And in the wake of all those years are two lives that have been shaped and formed into something new…….theirs and yours.

Except they get to walk away in a pair of shoes that are comfortable to them, the ones you have helped to form fit to their own walk in this life. 

You, on the other hand? You will have a few blisters and perhaps some corns as you learn to walk in the something new, with the memories and the formidable task of redefining your life once again,  reshaping your world without them at the center of it any longer. 

They say that the purpose of college and higher education is to challenge you in such a way that you are a different person than the one you were when you came in…………if that is true, then parenting is indeed the ivory tower of higher education.

 

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